I am not sure I qualify anymore as having a true paranoia of arachnids – as I have been forced to encounter them for over 50 years now and believe desensitization has chipped away at it. However I can say, without pause, a healthy aversion remains. Take last night.
I was walking to the kitchen to refill my drinking glass when I spied a rather large spider preparing for attack near the refrigerator. Its location upon discovery put me well within jumping distance for said arachnid. Now, the younger me would have gone toes up with a little squeak. The Desensitized me gave it a wide berth and watched in horror as it skittled on those spindly legs to turn itself so it was always facing me. I think I passed a bit of gas in fear – so, still squeaking after all.
Now, my sons are grown and out of the house. My husband was asleep. (Oh, I thought about waking him up to kill the spider. I thought about it HARD). But love conquers all, so I fell back on Plan B. I tossed a dishtowel on it and then jumped on the dishtowel and did the Watusi. Then I left the dishtowel on the floor because that is my modus operandi.
When called upon to dispatch of the vermin myself, I normally drop large, heavy books (phone books were great!) on them and then walk away. I have depended on room mates, husbands, sons, best friends, etc. to pick up after me. When I was single and without a room mate, I simply let it lie for about a week. My husband once asked my why I did not pick up after myself once the deed was done. I explained, “Because, hopefully it’s dead. But if it’s not, it’s going to be REALLY pissed”.
This morning, I was the first one up. Again, considered waking my protector. There lay the dishtowel in the disheveled condition I had left it in. Was it dead? Dare I? I bent to pick it up with every hair follicle on my body standing at attention. I balled the dishtowel up HARD and quickly, into the size of about a plum. I tossed it into the dirty linens basket on top of the washer. Then, exhaled.
When Fred gets up, I’m going to have him move the dirty linens into the washer. I am also going to place large books in every room of the house and stock up on brandy.